To the best of my knowledge, only two media outlets – the long established South East Queensland based racing websites Justracing and Letsgohorseracing – have dared to question the recent supposed amazing and joyous industry news that Racing Queensland, the governing body of the three codes in this State and Tatts have decided to jump into bed together for 30 years. As I’ve written before “it’s all well and good to jump in the sack with someone, but in the timeframe of 30 years, one or both partners runs a better than even money chance of growing old, saggy, baggy and daggy”.

After reading today’s The Courier Mail, which for the benefit of interstate or overseas readers is Queensland’s sole State-wide newspaper, it can now be demonstrated that yet again the two aforesaid websites are leap years ahead of their rivals, because it can now be unequivocally confirmed that the marriage of the two aforesaid entities of Racing Queensland and Tattsbet, is set to end in grief, long before either partner has had a chance to grow “old, saggy, baggy and daggy”. In fact whilst it could be said that the union of the two parties is still in the “honeymoon phase,” I cannot for the life of me see how the union will ever be consummated on the honeymoon. And to be fair, if a couple can’t have an exciting and stimulating “honeymoon phase” to reflect upon as they age disgracefully, it’s highly unlikely that the union can last.

The “honeymoon phase” has always been a “special time” as it’s when both partners in the union endeavour to show each other their considerable talents across a whole array of issues. The honeymoon is historically a time when everyone, including even the mother-in-law, leaves the two newlyweds alone, so that they can “discover” each other. The “special time” can be reflected upon for many decades into the future, as the husband remembers his besotted bride hanging from a chandelier, (which now can’t be achieved following her getting a sore back from having children), or he can close his eyes and recall her being covered in strawberries and cream (which now can’t be achieved as strawberries are far too expensive as her frame has blown out of all proportion from those size 8 days, to the point where you now need 10 punnets, not two, to cover her considerable torso), or opening the car door for her (because now you think if your mates see you doing that rot they’ll call you a “sook” and/or “crawler”, plus she’s grown into an anti-male Germaine Greer supporter nowadays and has learnt to swear like a wharfie, so she yells abuse at you like “what do you think I’m an invalid you wanker, I can open a ******* door”), or being awake all night trying to “discover each other” (even the “but you can sleep when you are dead darling” one, doesn’t work nowadays). So there are just some of the reasons that marriages end in grief.

And so it came to pass that Racing Queensland and Tatts jumped in the cot and it looked to be all go at the show. There were plenty of heart flutters all over the place and accompanying heavy breathing – until the honeymoon. Thanks to today’s The Courier Mail we can bear witness to the fact that simply trying to turn on the partner during the “honeymoon phase” could have ended in an unmitigated disaster – namely electrocution. Courtesy of one simple photo, The Courier Mail has this morning given a terrific insight into why Tattsbet is such a failure at running anything, as it’s now been revealed that the CEO is in fact allegedly a toaster. I guess that explains why nothing much ever happens at the joint and simply reiterates what Justracing has been exclusively writing for years.

I also suggest that there needs to be a “retrospective running and handling enquiry” opened immediately into how RadioTAB, which of course just happens to be owned by Tattsbet, has been able to interview a toaster and two unidentified Board members, which are no more than two slices of cremated bread (pictured). On that point I wonder were the two slices of bread – white, wholemeal, or multi-grain, before the said cremation occurred as the article doesn’t say. You see the morning after the news broke recently about this anticipated 30-year marriage, there was clearly a human voice on a RadioTAB interview, allegedly that of Robbie Cooke (toaster), extolling the virtues of how Tattsbet were going to lift their game and do this and that – and increase revenues – and so on and so forth. So who really spoke to RadioTAB that day? The cleaner (not the racehorse The Cleaner as even The Courier Mail acknowledges he can’t talk – yet), the security officer, the lift mechanic, the Tattsbet fixed price assessor, or exactly who? The public is entitled to know, as have you ever heard a toaster answer questions? No – me neither – so it must have all been a con. I can’t get an interview on that particular radio station, but toasters can have a say. Fair dinkum – sometimes I just shake my head to the point where you’d swear I had nits, but I don’t, but I will get the wife of 38 years to check later on when she gets down from the chandelier.

Clearly now – after today’s The Courier Mail story on Page 36 – Tatts shares are likely to fall further. In fact according to the article “shares in the Brisbane based group plunged 5.8 per cent to $3.41, wiping $300 million off its market value”. Justracing expects the share price to keep falling as astute investors surely don’t want to be in bed with an entity being run by a toaster and two slices of cremated bread?

Justracing congratulates The Courier Mail on finally exposing the truth as to the true identity of the Tatts CEO and two burnt Board members, who were probably burnt all over whilst on some shareholder funded junket to some remote beach resort in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, but wonders why it took so long to share the information with their considerable readership. Were they gagged by Racing Queensland, via having had an embargo placed on them releasing the news to the public until midnight last night? But Racing Queensland embargoes haven’t worried that newspaper in the past, so why should they now?

Obviously in racing parlance, judging by their fast declining share price, Tattsbet has performed like a shot duck in the last 12 months, but Racing Queensland can draw solace from the fact that over the annals of time many honeymoons and marriages end in grief. For instance Elizabeth Taylor had seven honeymoons – including two with the same bloke, one R for Richard Burton. I have never quite been able to fathom that one out. From an available pool of 150 million males in America, or 3.477 billion males globally, why would you marry the same bloke twice? Am I missing something here? Then Mickey Rooney was even able to outdo Elizabeth Taylor, as he had nine honeymoons, so what went wrong there? Obviously he just kept trading the old model in until he found a Rolls Royce that he felt comfortable to drive home for the rest of his life?

Racing Queensland Cadet Handicapper, Sam Watson, has advised the scaled weights for tomorrow’s Doomben meeting and they are: Race 1 + 3kgs, Race 4 + 0.50kg, Race 5 + 0.50kg and Race 6 + 2kgs.

The apprentice jockey weights for tomorrow should be:




Priscilla Schmidt

51 claims 2kgs

Geoffrey Goold

54 claims 2kgs

Luke Tarrant

50 claims 2kgs

Beau Appo

49 claims 3kgs

Bridget Grylls

49 claims 3kgs

Travis Wolfgram

53 claims 3kgs

Samuel Payne

53.5 claims 3kgs

Ruby Ride

50 claims 3kgs

Rachael Murray

51 claims 3kgs

Janette Johnson

54 claims 3kgs

Rikki Jamieson

50 claims 3kgs

Kirk Matheson

54.5 claims 1.5kgs

Matthew McGuren

55 claims 3kgs

James Orman

51 claims 3kgs



Today on www.brisbaneracing.com.au I preview Doomben Race 1 specifically looking for wet trackers. On www.sydneyracing.com.au I exclusively advise punters why five of the eight Randwick races tomorrow are “total no-go zones”, along with two races from Moonee Valley which need to be avoided at all costs, whilst on www.melbourneracing.com.au Matt Nicholls looks at Moonee Valley.

The Postman returns from winter hibernation today and advises:

It’s great to be back & I think we can get a very good run for our money tomorrow with Text’N Hurley in the last @ Moonee Valley. This 5yo mare is on a Caulfield Cup path this prep, however I think she will be very competitive over 1500m second up from a spell. First up down the straight @ Flemington, she began well & sat in behind the pace. When Tiger Tees clapped on the speed @ the 400m, Text’N Hurley was left flat footed & it took a while for her to wind up. When she did, she finished the race off very well & was really stoking up in the final 100m to be beaten under 3 lengths. Mr Chard ran second here, and has subsequently franked this form by winning the Rowley Mile @ Hawkesbury on Thursday.

Tomorrow sees Text’N Hurley return to Moonee Valley where she is unbeaten, maps well, drawn well, weighted on the limit, and nicely placed for a mare of her quality. Most of her opposition are either kicking off their spring campaigns, or have been racing through the winter. I think Text’N Hurley has the tactical versatility to be able to settle better than midfield, just behind the pace set by the likes of Mr Make Believe, Fast & Free, Free of Doubt & one or two others. If Steven King adopts these tactics, Text’N Hurley has the ability to sprint well enough to see her very hard to hold out late. I think the likes of Foundry, Zanbagh & The United States will need the run, Jacquinot Bay wasn’t flash last start, Shanghai Warrior hasn’t won for 2 years, Fast’n’Free has had enough for mine this prep, and the others I can’t have tomorrow.

In a race that is very challenging to price due to the difficulty in lining up the overseas horses, Text’N Hurley opened around $7 mark with a few agencies. I think she represents a good each way value at that quote. I have her priced closer to 9/2 or $5.50.

Moonee Valley 9-12 Text’N Hurley (Each Way)

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